There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
