You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
