You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
