She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Text me some of your sweat
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
