Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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