may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize