What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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