ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
