i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
