you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
