he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
