I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
