i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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