Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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