so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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