Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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