my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
