my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Too much gin, very little bucket
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
