butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
