Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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