My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ttyl tear gas
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
