I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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