just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
