I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
