Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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