They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize