Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this hospital has no fireball
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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