Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
