the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
