Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
