he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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