Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
