I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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