it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize