i just wanna soil my oats bro
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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