I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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