we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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