while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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