i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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