I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
