Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
