My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
