I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
