is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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