Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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