Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
