Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
