I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
