so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
