the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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