Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
