does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
