he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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