How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
