it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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