awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
