I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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