Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize