I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
