There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His hands were made for my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
