I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
