just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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