New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
