Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
