I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
