I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
