he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
